An Uncertain Future

I can tell you, that since early April, things have been tough for me. Usually I can bounce back from a mental set back, but this one was different. I have felt like I have lost my way and lost my sense of direction. The only thing that I can think of that could have been a catalyst to all of this was my enormous failure during the inspirational speech contest that my Toastmasters club held. I was not prepared and repeatedly got lost in my presentation. I knew better than to let that happen. Maybe if I could have given my best and still gotten beat it wouldn't have been so devastating. I lost because I failed myself. I decided to quit writing my book, decided to postpone speaking(outside of Toastmasters), postpone life coaching, and go back to college. I went to talk to a therapist at the college that I am attending to talk to her about a career in therapy. When I was sharing with her my recent struggles, she told me that I went through some depression. My wife says that I need to not put so much pressure on myself. It is probably a combination of both. I have tried to relax more during this time away from things. At first, I was really hard on myself for walking away from some of these things in my life. I really beat myself up internally,. Not the best choice. Currently I am taking one college course per semester to work towards my Associates degree. I know that one class per semester will take forever to complete my degree but it is something that I have always felt a need to accomplish. Who knows, maybe I will continue on and accomplish a Bachelors degree some day. Even as I write this, I am not sure where exactly my life is going. I have no defined plans for the future. Family is still the most important thing to me and everything else takes a back seat. I still enjoy my job and there is a possibility of promotion within the next couple of years. As far as speaking and life coaching, I am pretty much putting it in the back burner still. I do have a speech to give to my Toastmasters club coming up in a couple of weeks and I will make sure that it is inspirational and uplifting. I still really enjoy inspiring and motivating others. Allowing others to see into my past and give them hope for a better tomorrow. I am still drawn to write my book some day, but for now, I will write when inspired to and not because I feel like I have to. I still have a wonderfully supportive wife that backs me on these decisions. I couldn't ask for a better soul mate.

I recently started reading again and investing in me. Why did I choose to walk away from the things that kept me going? Maybe because they were constant reminders of what I had failed at. I know better than to let this happen to me and yet I did it anyway. A couple of months ago, I deleted over 200 people off my facebook page, deleted my AIAO Life Coaching page, left facebook groups, I stopped posting daily motivational photos on my facebook wall, and deleted other social media platforms. I was even going to delete this blog but I didn't want to lose all the writings that I had already done, know that they are an intricate part of the book that I will write.

During this difficult time, I reached out to a few people to explain to them, what I was going through. Some responded and some didn't. What I have come to understand is that outside of myself, no one really understands what I am going through. Even though I believe in others, I feel like I have been abandoned in this journey. I feel like I am living a life that only matters to me. We all need a support system but apart from my wife, I feel like I am alone. I know that we all must walk our own journey in life but we all need a traveling companion from time to time. Someone to talk to and someone who will bring out the best in us when we have lost sight of it. I feel like my life is in quiet desperation mode. I have been here before but never for this long. This is uncharted territory for me and it's scary. I feel like I have lot control and I have no idea how to regain that control.

We all need a cheerleader from time to time and I have not had that. It is nice to hear that we are making a difference in this world and yet when I left all of that stuff behind, no one seemed to care. I was just another face in the crowd. I can't say that I needed the approval of others but the acknowledgement was a nice motivator for me. When I walked away, I though that maybe it would be noticed but I was able to leave without anyone noticing. I know that I have helped others and want to continue to do just that, but how I am not longer sure of. I thought that my voice on facebook would be missed, obviously not. No one bothered to inquire about my absence. Maybe I am supposed to live a life within a very small circle of people. Maybe I am not meant to move beyond a few select friends. I have always thought that I was meant for greater things, maybe I have been delusional. Maybe it was just my ego convincing me that I was more than I appeared.

Today is a new day and I have devoted a lot of it to find my center again. Finding meaning in my life once again. Meaning that I had lost back in April. I am still not sure where this journey will take me but I know this: People will fail me, let me down, and not miss me, but that doesn't mean that I have to fail them, let them down, or not notice their exit.

Lost In A Fog

It's like living in a fog while the sun is shining on others. It's being lost in a sea of sanity. My direction is clouded by security and comfort. For just about as long as I can remember, in my adult life, I have been faced with an emptiness. There is something within me that is missing. Something feels unsettled and unfinished. I would like to think that I know what that missing piece is, but I am lost in trying to figure out how to make it fit. I live a life of silent despair as I struggle with fulfilling my destiny. I have been told that I expect too much of myself. I don't see it that way. When there is something missing from our lives, we search to find that missing piece. Why should this be any different? Is it so abnormal for me to feel this way? This struggle isn't about family, money, career, or even self-confidence. It's about finding a place in my life where I can flourish and spread my wings doing something that gives me an intrinsic happiness. Is that too much to ask for? To do something that makes me happy? It's not that I don't enjoy my job, it's just that it doesn't bring me the kind of happiness that I am looking for. I am confident in who I am and what I am capable of. I know that I have something to offer this world and yet I have vehicle to make it happen. Every time that I have tried to open that door when the opportunity presented itself, it was quickly slammed in my face. Why can't others see my passion and heart? I am not looking to find the meaning of life but merely the meaning of my life. I don't want to leave this world leaving something undone that has troubled me for so long. I don't share this struggle to gain pity or sympathy, I share it as a therapy to write out my emotions and feelings. I have worked my ass of in retail to get where I am today and I am willing to do it again to gain a sense of fulfillment. I have shared this struggle with others but no one seems to get it. I guess that I shouldn't expect them to. This is my struggle not theirs. This is my life not theirs. This is my emptiness not theirs. This darkness inside keeps pulling me back, reminding me that it is still there. Reminding me that I have unfinished business to take care of but have no direction on how to shed some light on it. I know that I am a driven person, but why does my life have be like this? Maybe I should just surrender to the pain of being unfulfilled and just go on living a life a silent desperation. A life that I have a loving, supporting family, a good job, decent income, and go quietly into that goodnight when it comes. So many have gone before me and lived that life and didn't seem to mind. Why do I have to be different? It's not that I am ungrateful for all that I have. I know that I have a very blessed life. I am not, once again, to go from here. So for now, I will continue to live this life of quiet desperation. They say that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Where is my teacher. What more preparation can I do? What is still expected of me? I will continue to keep fighting for all that is right in my life and continue to improve me. I know that there is still a lot of fight left in me. I just need that person to direct me toward my next step. I don't want a hand out but a hand up. As I cry inside, I will continue on as if nothing was wrong. I will still be the husband that my wife needs, the father that my kids need, and the grandfather that my grandsons need. This is not an admission of giving up but an attempt to explain my struggle. I have lived this long being this empty, I can continue on. Am I meant to live a meaningless life? Life will go on and I will continue to live it with what I have been given. I will continue to make the best of what I have and life a life that I am happy with. Being in lack isn't an matter of unhappiness but a matter of understanding what isn't meant to be in this moment.

Life Sucks!

The other day, I was at the bank and saw someone that I knew at one of the teller windows. It seemed as though, whatever transaction(s) were being conducted, it was pretty intense. The bank was kind of busy so I didn't say anything to the person that I knew. As I was finishing up my transaction, the bank had cleared out, except for the employees, the person that I knew, and myself. I looked over to the person that I knew, and said with a smile on my face, "You can at least smile." I said this because of the distress that I had noticed on the person's face. Her response to me was, "Life sucks." I felt the pain in the person's voice and empathy set in. I responded with a kind smile and, "Naw." I quickly changes the subject to her college courses that I knew that she has been taking.

I would of loved the opportunity to stop and talk to her, but I don't know her that well and I had a limited amount of time to get to work. I finished up my transaction and walked back to my car to head to work. Her words, "Life sucks" stuck in my head. I got back into my car with a heavy heart for what ever she might be facing that would cause her to have such and outlook. Other times that I had seen her, she usually seemed rather cheerful. I knew that something pretty heavy was going on in her life. I still think about her and hopefully I will have an opportunity to talk with her sometime soon.

As I was driving to work, I began to get uncomfortable with the words, "Life sucks" being in my head. Life doesn't suck. Life is beautiful. We have so many thing to be grateful for. I often tell people, "Any day above ground is a good day." I have worked with the public for so many years, that sometimes I am sorry that I ask them, "How are you today?" All too often I hear the tragic stories of how bad their life is. Life is not tragic. Life is an amazing adventure. 

Sure, there are moments in our life that seem to suck. We all have those moments in life, and sometimes it seems like that happen one after another. But life it's self is wonderful. Life is full of doom and gloom when that is where our focus is. I'm not saying that we should ignore the negative in our lives. But don't dwell on it. If it is something that we have the capacity to change, look for solutions and make the necessary changes. Those things that we cannot change, don't deserve our energies. Life doesn't suck, but the situations in life can suck. Our life is not encapsulated into that moment that sucks. We have a life before that moment and we will have moments beyond it. We had moments before this current moment of suckiness. They didn't stop us, we were able to have good moments past it. What makes us think that this moment will be different?

The habit of focusing our energies on the positive aspects of our lives is a learned process. If you are one of those kinds of people who mostly see the negatives in life, it will be a tougher habit to create. I was one of those kinds of people a few years ago and it was really difficult to break that old habit. But every time that I caught myself thinking a negative thought, I replaced it with a positive one. Sure, in the beginning, the negative ones we much louder and stronger than my positive ones. But with time and practice, slowly but surely, the positive ones began to overpower the negative ones. Now, the negative thoughts, have to work really hard to find a place in my thoughts. My energies and focus are all directed toward all the things in my life that are adding to my happiness not taking away. 

How will you choose to perceive your day? Will you choose to only see the negatives, or will you make a conscience effort to find the positive things in your life and focus on them?

Adapt, Improvise, And Overcome to become your very best.

Chicken Little

We have all probably heard the story of Chicken Little. For those of you haven't, I will add it to the bottom of this post. Are you Chicken Little, one of Chicken Little's "friends", Foxy Woxy, or the King? I am going to explain how I see the characters in the timeless classic. See which character you are at any moment in life. What character would you like to be?

Chicken Little- This kind of person is the one who freaks out at the first sign of "trouble" in their lives. This person only sees the problems in life and seems to just run from problem to problem. The first sign of trouble and they act like their whole life is falling apart. 

Henny Penny, Cocky Locky, & Turkey Lurkey- These are the kinds of friends that you invite to your pity party when you are feeling down. They drop what they are doing a buy into your state of emotional wreck. They confirm your beliefs that you were wronged in some way that you have a right to feel the way you do. 

Foxy Woxy- The fox is the person who swops in and tries to take advantage of your weakened state and the situation. They seem like they are trying to help, but when in reality, they are lying to you only to gain an advantage.

The King- The King is the voice of reason and problem solver. The person who wasn't afraid to tell the truth, even if it might offend you beliefs in your current situation.

Do you live your like Chicken Little? Maybe you are one of Chicken Little's enablers, Henny, Cocky, or Turkey? Are you a Foxy, just trying to figure out how you can gain an advantage through the pain of others? Maybe you are reasonable and truthful King? We have all probably been each character at some point in our lives. Maybe, some more than others.

The story of Chicken Little would have been completely different, if he(?) would have decided to react differently to what was happening to him. I know that things in life can sometimes really catch us off guard and we feel some pretty strong emotions. But, those emotions have not lasting power over us, unless we continue to supply them with energy. As long as we feed these emotions with negativity, they will eventually consume us and severely inhibit our ability to see solutions. Chicken Little was then able to convince others to buy into their negative perception in their situation. They contributed to their negative emotion and they themselves, became a part of the problem. I haven't met to may Foxy Woxy type of people in my life, but I know that they are out there. They are the the people will support you in your negative emotion only to find out how it will benefit them. Maybe they just want to know your gossip for future ammunition. The King, on the other hand, was a man of empathy. He understood the emotional attachment that these people had to their situation, but only saw solutions and didn't feed into their negativity. The King knew that his position might not be popular, but it was true to who he was and he spoke the truth.

In the end, the King gave Chicken Little and umbrella. Find your umbrella in life. We all have tools available to us that will prevent us from getting so bent out of shape over situations in life. We all have the ability and responsibility to keep our emotional reactions in check. We can't allow the situations in life to control how we live our life. Sure, things will happen that will push our limits, but the umbrella is there to catch those things that we can't control. 

Which character will you be the next time life throws an acorn at you? Will you be that friend that joins the pity party? Will you be the fox, only out to gain at the expense of others? Maybe you will be the king and offer solutions?

Adapt, Improvise, And Overcome to become your very best.

Chicken Little

By Merri Beth Stephens

One day Chicken Little was walking in the woods

when -- KERPLUNK -- an acorn fell on her head

"Oh my goodness!" said Chicken Little. "The sky is

falling! I must go and tell the king."

On her way to the king's palace, Chicken Little met

Henny Penny. Henny Penny said that she was going

into the woods to hunt for worms.

"Oh no, don't go!" said Chicken Little. "I was there

and the sky fell on my head! Come with me to tell the

king."

So Henny Penny joined Chicken Little and they went

along and went along as fast as they could.

Soon they met Cocky Locky, who said, "I'm going to

the woods to hunt for seeds."

"Oh no, don't go!" said Henny Penny. "The sky is

falling there! Come with us to tell the king."

So Cocky Locky joined Henny Penny and Chicken

Little, and they went along and went along as fast as

they could.

Soon they met Turkey Lurkey, who was planning to

go to the woods to look for berries.

"Oh no, don't go!" said Cocky Locky. "The sky is

falling there! Come with us to tell the king

"

So

Turkey Lurkey joined Cocky Locky, Henny Penny

and Chicken Little, and they went along as fast as

they could.

Then who should appear on the path but sly old Foxy

Woxy.

"Where are you going, my fine feathered friends?"

asked Foxy Woxy. He spoke in a polite manner, so as

not to frighten them.

"The sky is falling!" cried Chicken Little. "We must

tell the king."

"I know a shortcut to the palace," said Foxy Woxy

sweetly. "Come and follow me."

But wicked Foxy Woxy did not lead the others to

the palace. He led them right up to the entrance of

his foxhole. Once they were inside, Foxy Woxy

was planning to gobble them up!

Just as Chicken Little and the others were about to go

into the fox's hole, they heard a strange sound and

stopped.

It was the king's hunting dogs, growling and

howling.

How Foxy Woxy ran, across the meadows and

through the forests, with the hounds close behind.

He ran until he was far, far away and never dared

to come back again.

After that day, Chicken Little always carried an

umbrella with her when she walked in the woods. The

umbrella was a present from the king. And if --

KERPLUNK -- an acorn fell, Chicken Little didn't

mind a bit. In fact, she didn't notice it at all.

Success Demands Preparation

So many times we ask ourselves, why this or that isn't or hasn't happened in our lives. Why isn't my marriage better? Why haven't I gotten that promotion at work? Why can't I get out of debt? We keep looking for the answers to these kinds of questions and seem to keep coming up empty. Each and every one of the answers that you can ever seek in life begins with you. 

You are the reason things do and don't happen in your life. You are the beginning and ending to your life's story. How your life plays out all begins with your preparation. You must be prepared for what you want your life to look like. You can't expect to have something that you have never prepared for. Most people don't want to do the prep work because it seems thankless and because it requires effort. Being prepared does required a lot of effort and it seem like those efforts go unnoticed. But at the end of the work is the reward. 

I am a firm believe that if you are not willing to put in the effort to change something in your life, you really have given up your right to complain about it. Are you in an unhealthy relationship? Unless you are willing to do your part to fix the situation, you have no right to complain about it. Wanting that raise or promotion at work? Are you giving your job your best efforts, or just giving enough to meet standards. Nobody said that you can't raise the standards. Stop complaining if your are unwilling to put in the work to have better in your life.

Success demands preparation. The work that you put in now, no matter what you are seeking to be successful at, is your opportunity to be as prepared as possible. You can't go back and change what has been done. Be honest in your preparation. Don't allow yourself to settle for another lame excuse. Decide if you really want to see this change in your life or if you just like complaining about it. Both decisions are totally in your hands and you will live with their consequences. You are the beginnings to your answers.

Adapt, Improvise, And Overcome to become your very best.

Talk the Talk, Walk the Walk, But...

It's easy to talk the talk but walking the walk can be much tougher. We all know those who only talk the talk but just won't back it up by walking the walk. We might even be guilty of doing this. It really is easier to talk the talk the talk, but to back it up with action holds a certain amount or responsibility. When we step into the realm of walking the walk, people have not choice but to take notice of what it is we are doing. We are then putting ourselves into a vulnerable state in which we are now subject to the opinions of others. That can be a very intimidating situation. 

For several years, I talked the talk and walked the walk of a happily married man in my first marriage. Even though I was talking the talk and walking , in reality is was not happily married. Not only was I fooling the public and those closest to me, I eventually began to fool myself. Even some of those closest to me, saw past the talk and the walk. Once I had gotten my divorce, those who knew the truth, came to me and told me so. It's not that they were rubbing it in my face, it was a matter of them coming to me to let me know what they had known all along. I have been fortunate enough to have some great people in my life who have been there for me when I needed strength and moral support.

Many people have not only mastered talking the talk, but they have also mastered walking the walk. As good as they are at these two things, the reality is, try as they might, they are still a product of their thoughts. You can put on the best front, but your real intentions will eventually come to the surface. We are a product of our thoughts. We might be able to cover up our thoughts with the talk and the walk most of the time, but trust me, our thoughts have a way of coming to the surface. Especially to those who know us the best. 

Those who know me personally, know that I can talk the talk and walk the walk when it comes to being a store manager. They also know that I can talk the talk and walk the walk when it comes to inspiring, motivating, and coaching them. However, I also believe in being transparent, so here it comes. I have had my priorities out of whack and then I end up procrastinating something that shouldn't be. I put off things that I believe are my goals, when in reality they are only dreams, because I have never put a deadline on them or any effort in making them a reality. I have had a dream to write a book, but I kept putting it off and putting it off. I made a commitment to get to work on it this year. I am happy to say that I have made a lot of progress on making that dream become a reality this year. I have about 80% of my first step done. The goal is to have the book completed by the end of August and then the finished product in hand by Christmas. 

The point is, as much as we put on a front and no matter how convincing, your thoughts actually control your life. Eventually your thoughts leak out into your life and expose the real you. The only way to avoid this trap of just talking the talk and walking the walk all the while trying to hide your thoughts, is to be authentic to yourself. Stop hiding behind your false sense of security of the facade that you have created. When you are authentic to your true nature and actually become more connected to the world around you. Be your thoughts, walk the thoughts, talk the thoughts. That is a life worth living.

Adapt, Improvise, And Overcome to become your very best.

It's Just A Penny

It’s Just a Penny

What if I told you that I hid a penny in this room, how many would jump out of their seats to try to find it? Probably not very many. After all, it’s just a penny. You quickly considered the effort/risk versus the reward. Most of you decided that the work was not worth the reward.

What if I told you I hid a hundred dollars in this room, how many would rush to find it? You quickly decided that the effort/risk is now worth the reward. The difference is now all of a sudden the reward got bigger. The effort is the same in trying to find that penny, but now the reward is big enough to motivate you into action.

What if I told you that the hundred dollars was in pennies scattered throughout this room? The dream didn’t change, it’s still $100 but the effort changed. Once again, your brain is weighing the effort/risk versus the reward. Is taking the time to search for all those pennies worth the reward? Sure it’s worth it if you only have to find the one bill, but now you have to find 10,000 individual items.

This is where we often hold ourselves back in life. We keep setting goals, but they are not big enough goals that motivate us into action. A penny in the room wasn’t worth it, but $100, now we’re talking. We all want to have great things in life, and to be great in life and we all have the capability to do it. But what dream is big enough to motivate you into action? I challenge you to find that dream.

You see we can have a plan to go after our dreams, but life can change the rules. You have to be willing to adapt, improvise, and overcome those obstacles. The only rules that life has to follow are, there will be life, there will be death, and there will be change. All of you have the ability to find the penny and the $100. But who among you has the drive to find that $100 in the form of 10,000 pennies. You have to be willing to do today what others won’t, in order the have tomorrow what others won’t have. So the key to finding your dreams in life is finding a big enough dream to motivate you into action and then be willing to do the work. To many times people find a dream, get motivated for a “sprint” at it. But do you really want your dream bad enough when tough times blindside you? When life comes to knock you down, family or friends come and tell you that you can’t do it? What about when you realize that you don’t have the finances or knowledge, are these kinds of obstacles going to hold you back and prevent you from getting what you want, or are you going  to adapt, improvise, and overcome to continue towards your dreams? You see, anything worth having is worth working for. Is your dream really worth working for? Anybody can have a dreams for a day, a week, or even a month when things are going good. Do you have the drive, patience, and self-confidence to hang in there for the long haul, through both good and bad times?

You now get to search for the $100 bill however, you now have to search with a blindfold on and you can only look in one place everyday. Do these seem like unrealistic restrictions? Once again the rules have changed. How has your motivation changed? These obstacles are not very unlike the limitations that you put on yourself when you look at your dreams. You say that the time isn’t right, I don’t have the money, the education, I’ll start tomorrow, and so many other excuses. You are the only one who can take off that blindfold and look more than one place a day. But due to a lack of motivation and self-esteem you limit yourself and even those around you who want to help you achieve your dreams. You cannot control nor see most of the challenges that life is going to throw at you. So don’t get hung up on those things. Take them in stride, handle them and move on. There are enough outside distractions in life that will try to derail you and prevent you from getting what you want when you want it. You don’t need to add your own limitation to that list.

Let’s take a closer look at restricting you to looking in one place a days for the $100 bill. Day one…no luck, day two…no luck, day three…no luck, day 10...no luck. How many days would you keep looking before you give up? Are you looking as each day as a failure or a success? Every place that you look, even if you don’t find anything, is one less place to look later? All failures in life are a matter of how you choose to perceive them. Failure is a part of the process of success. So I would encourage you to go fail some more, go fail some more go fail some more. You have to have a certain amount of failure before you reach your dreams. The problem is that no one knows how much it is until you get there. As long as you are giving 100%, is it really failing?

You will do the work of finding all those pennies in your life. The option is, why not find them on your terms. You are going to put the effort in, you are going to get frustrated, discouraged, excited, joyous, and so on. You’ll ride that emotional roller coaster. But why not ride it on your terms. We are all chasing a dream, surprised? Hear me out. Some of are chasing the dreams that we want to chase. Like, cars, homes, time with your family, financial security, the list goes on and on. While others are forced to live a life less lived because we have lost our desire for life. They are chasing the dreams of the status-quo. When you chose not to chase your own dream, you will be given a dream to chase. Society will then tell you what kind of life you should live. I know what it feel like to live that kind of life because I did it for many years. I would go from home to work, work to home, home to work, work to home…etc. I got to do that for about 50 weeks a year. I didn’t have a Monday through Friday job so the days that I took off during the week I got to make on the weekend while my kids were home from school. I also was privileged enough to work six day work weeks usually for about 4 months a year. I’m not complaining about my job, I liked my job and I chose that profession. I’m just sharing with you where I’ve come from. I’ve always said that if I didn’t like my job I would find another.

People look at me funny when I pick up pennies while I am out and about. Family and friends both think it’s odd that I pick up what ever change I find. Some people won’t pick up a penny unless it’s heads up. My theory is that it’s a penny that I didn’t have when I left home, so now I am a penny richer. Over the years I have probably found well over a $200 in change on the ground. Do I believe that I can become rich by doing this? No. But there have been time that I’ve needed what I’ve found.

You may go several days without finding anything. You may even go weeks, months, or even years without finding anything. Are you willing to push through and let nothing stop you. Will you become unstoppable? When you can have that kind of determination, when you go through that dry spell of finding nothing, all of a sudden one day….all your efforts and determination are rewarded. Things start happening and all of a sudden all that work that you put in, you start reaping those rewards.

How many pennies will you try to find today? How much effort are you willing to put in today? Will you let your current situation control your thoughts today and perspective about your dreams?

Strategies For Looking For Pennies

-Following The Crowd   Many people in this life have decided that this is the best way to find their way through life. We believe that if they just follow what everyone else is doing that we will get what we want. The problem is, they are mimicking others and expecting different results. If I follow you and you are going to the grocery store, wouldn’t make much sense for me to expect to arrive at a hardware store. But everyday this is happening in mass quantity. We are programmed to just follow the status-quo. We get into the habit of doing what everyone else is doing, whether it’s because it’s just easier, fear of failure, fear of success and the responsibility that it might bring, or just plain laziness. You CANNOT get something different than everyone else if you keep doing what it is that they are doing.

- I’ll Do It Tomorrow  The problem with this mentality is that most of the time tomorrow never comes. If you continue procrastination, eventually you are forced to just take what life hands to you. That’s not a risk that I am personally willing to take. What are you waiting for? “The right time…the right amount of money…the right weather…the right status…what is it really? What is holding you back from taking even the smallest step DAILY toward getting what you want out off life? You didn’t get to where you are today overnight, what makes you think that you can dig yourself out overnight. It’s going to take some time and work. I guarantee you that it will be so worth it. The changes that you can have in your life starting now will not only change your life, but it will effect those lives around you.

- I’m Happy With Where I’m At In Life   I can respect this outlook and even relate to it. We get moments in life when all seems to be going like we want it to. Everything seems to be all falling into place. But consider this, “What if….?” We all know and have experienced life throwing us under the bus. From out of nowhere we are hit and now we are in a world of hurt. I believe in planning ahead and besides, chasing a dream is fun. If it’s not fun, you aren’t chasing YOUR dream, you are chasing something that someone else wants for you, you’re stuck in a rut, and/or your values have changed.

We can come up with all the reasons to figure out what you want your dreams and goals in life to be. We can quote all the famous people throughout history in all of their infinite wisdom to motivate. We can find pictures of all the material things that your heart can ever desire. What we can’t do for you is give you reason why. All these words are empty and will probably fall on deaf ears until you figure out your why. Once your dreams and goals get inside you, nothing will stop you. Until then, you will be vulnerable and people and situations will come and steal your dreams. Sometimes in life it takes us hitting rock bottom in order to make the changes that need to be made. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way. I can say that I was once one of those people. I used to have to learn everything the heard way. Some of that is because I don’t like following the crowd. I’ve always been on who wanted to make my own path. The problem is that if I would have listened to my parents and those around me that have already been there, I could have saved myself a lot of struggles in life. I can say that now, I have learned to learn from others. What has and what has not worked for others. It doesn’t mean that I am not one to make my own path, but knowing what will and won't work, prevents me from making certain mistakes. My family makes fun of me because I am so analytical. My wife used to ask me to help her to rearrange the living room. I would sit in the recliner for 30 minutes of more and then she would come back and ask me what I was doing. You see, my wife is the kind of person who would rather physically move the furniture a dozen times until she figures out what she wants. That works for some people. I am the kind of person who would rather move the furniture a dozen times mentally and once physically. We both end up in the same place in about the same amount of time, but our individual preferences to accomplish the end result would not work very well for the other person. We do what works best for each of us. What will work best for you to get the result that you want? What fits you best? It doesn’t mean that you will not have to acquire new talents and methods along the way, but start with your best. Trial and error are the best teachers, both your trials and errors and those of others. Be willing and open to learning from others. Find a coach or mentor who is doing what you want to do. The saying goes, “That if you want what they have then you have to do what they do. Because if you do what they do then you will have what they have.” I wasn’t able to get where I have gotten in my profession with out learning from others. I have had the opportunity to work with some great people and some not so great people. Realize that you can probably learn almost as much from a bad example as from a good example. Just be careful not to follow their bad examples. Take what you have learned from life and start piecing it together and start using what works for you. If you find something that doesn’t work for you, don’t just toss it out. Maybe that idea just doesn’t work for you right now but it might later in life. If it goes against your values then toss it, other than that, file it away, because you never know when you might need it. As you start getting where you want to go in life, please never forget where you came from. I made a promise to myself a long time ago to never forget where I came from. Not to the extent that I am stuck in the past or hung up on it. Just remember the struggle with admiration at what you have been through and all that you have accomplished. I think that this attitude helps keep us humble and relate-able. I have never forgotten what it was like to be a cashier, a stocker, what it’s like to clean bathrooms, or what it’s like to be an Assistant Manager. My Mom taught me a long time ago that a title and fifty cents could get me a cup of coffee. I tell all my employees that the only difference between me and them it that when the "it" rolls down hills, and it does, it just hits me first. When we remember where it is we have come from, I believe that we are a whole lot less likely to go back to it. We also have the heart of a servant to those who are trying to get ahead in life. We don’t have the attitude that they can’t get ahead of us, but we want to see them succeed and even become more successful than us. We take on the roll of cheerleader. Who are you the cheerleader for in this life? Become a mentor and stay humble. Don’t mentor for the recognition but mentor to help someone else. When we learn to give of ourselves because we want to, people start to give of themselves to us because they want to.

- Your patients and persistence will pay off someday by finding more than just a penny. However, you may even have days that you don’t find anything. I believe that wholehearted work never goes unrewarded.

Adapt, Improvise, And Overcome to become your very best.

HELP!!!

I was having a conversation with a friend today about why people don't ask for help. I believe that most don't because of pride and ego. People are afraid of what others' might think of them in their time of need. We believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness. I think that this holds especially true among men. Many of us(men) were raised to be macho and strong, and we shouldn't need help. We should be able to handle any situation on our own.

"Ask for help. Not because you are weak, but because you want to remain strong. Ask for help and don't stop until you get it." -Les Brown

I believe that we have the wrong outlook on what it mean to ask for help. If we would put our ego and pride aside, not only would we probably get out of our situation quicker, but we most likely wouldn't dig ourselves into as deep of a hole. So many times, we ask for help when the ship is sinking, rather than asking for help before we even damage the hull. 

I recently had a young man contact me about his relationship with his long time girlfriend. My wife and I had helped this couple in the past, so he felt comfortable reaching out to me again. He told me that he is losing his girlfriend and he didn't know what to do. I had a short conversation with him and about their current situation. I told him that I would be willing to meet with him and/or her to see what I could do to help point them back in the right direction. Even though I am not one to focus on the past, I can't help but wonder a little, what would have happened if one or both of them would have come to me/us sooner. This situation is still ongoing, so I don't have an ending to this story, but it is just an example of asking for help once a ship is already sinking.

I know that sometimes, we get so wrapped up in things that we don't even realize that the ship is sinking. That's okay. It happens to us all. The important thing is that we take the time to ask for help as soon as we realize that the problem is bigger than what we can handle. There is no shame in asking for help.

I have talked a lot about asking for help. About not being to proud to ask, or allowing your ego to get in the way of asking, or waiting till the ship is sinking before you ask. But let me cover one more thing. I have talked before about how important it is to surround yourself with the right people. People who support you, care about you, and push you to do and be better. Having those kinds of people around you is very vital when it comes to asking for help. If you come to me asking for help, make sure that it's not just a pity party that you are dragging me to, because I will not attend. Neither will your really friends. 

Adapt, Improvise, And Overcome to become your very best.

Lip Service

How many of us think that we are honest people? I would think that most of us believe that we are honest people. The truth is, we all lie. I'm not saying that we are not trustworthy, but we all lie. There is a difference between being untrustworthy and lying. Sometimes we lie to keep from hurting those that we care about. This blog isn't going to go into depth about lying, but into, what I believe to be the two worse kind of lying.

First, let's address the times that we lie to other for the sake of being accepted. Maybe we inflate the amount of money we make, the places we have been, or maybe our job title. We change the story to make ourselves out to be better than we really are, in the hopes that others will accept us. This is a very dangerous habit that we can create. The problem is, we end up attracting the wrong kind of people. We end up attracting people who accept us for the wrong reasons. Once we are accepted, we feel the need to keep up the charade or risk being rejected. No one likes the feeling associated with rejection.

Secondly, are the lies that we tell ourselves. We tell ourselves that we are "over" a hurt from our past, that we are "okay" with our body image, or that we are "happy" in our relationship with a significant other. We lie to ourselves all the time to protect ourselves from ourselves. We are afraid of the rejection that we can inflict on ourselves. So, we lie to make ourselves feel better and inflate ourselves and end up settling for our current circumstances instead of something better.

One of the hardest things that I had to learn to do it to be honest with myself. I had lived a life so full of lies, that I had to take a lot of time to wade through all the lies that I had told myself. I had to "get real" and be honest with myself and take a close hard look at my life. What did it really look like and what was a lie. At times, it was a difficult process, but well worth it in the end. I have since been able to improve my relationship with others and more importantly myself. There is a release to freedom when we become honest with ourselves. It's like the shackles have been taken off our wrists and ankles. When we are able to release ourselves from the bondage of lies, we are able to add other things to our lives. Things like, happiness, love, peace, and so much more.

This can be a difficult process. It will force you to deal with somethings that you have hidden from yourself and others. You will probably have to change some of the "friends' in your circle. Some may not like who you really are and for awhile you may not like you. But be patient with the process. The rewards are far greater than the pain that you may temporarily feel. On the other side of the lies is a greater love for yourself and real relationships. After all, aren't we all seeking authentic relationships? The relationships that we have with others and ourselves? You deserve authentic relationships. Don't settle for less.

Adapt, Improvise, And Overcome to become your very best.

Greener Grass In 2014

I know that we are almost a week into 2014 and you haven't heard from me in a couple weeks. My work load at my job keeps me very busy in December and I have been fighting some sort of infection for almost two weeks. I am beginning to feel better now and am inspired to share this thought with you today.

I know that I have touched on this subject before, but I thought it was worth covering it again with a little different perspective. We all know the saying, "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." We tend to believe that will get better when we get this or that, or when this or that happens. There is some truth to these beliefs. The problem is, we think that what ever it is that we feel that we lack, that when we get it, it will make us complete. It will fill in that feeling of lack for a short time, but eventually that feeling of lack will come back and you will be searching for the next thing to take it's place.

If you want things to be different in 2014 and not the same as they were in 2013, 2012, or even 2011, you will have to change your thought process. You need to commit to changing you. That is the only way to make a difference in your life. We keep jumping from greener grass to greener grass because we keep killing the grass where we are due to improper care. We will not make our dreams and passions come true living like we have been doing. We must make changes. When you make positive changes in your life, the grass where you are, gets a little greener. Stop fooling yourself with thinking that once you catch a break, then you will make a change. The truth is, make a change and you will catch a break.

Don't get caught up on stopping old habits, put your efforts toward creating new habits. It takes 21 days to create a new habit. Knowing that, you can see how easy it is to make a change. Those things in your life that aren't serving you, will fall away. Just concentrate on creating new.

Plant the new seeds of 2014 on the new soil of your new conscientiousness. Stop running the vicious cycle of planting new seeds in old soil expecting new results. You can plant all you want in old soil but will never see the results you expect until you change the soil you are planting in. Change your soil, change your results.

Adapt, Improvise, And Overcome to become your best.