A Distorted View of Happiness

Many times we grew up having a distorted views of what happiness is and what makes us happy. As a child it might have been a candy bar, a new bike, or a new friend that we believed made us happy. As teens, it was things like, a car, a party, or a new relationship. Adults see things like a job, a promotion, a house, or a family that makes them happy. In reality, all of these things can't make you happy. I love my wife, kids, and grandsons, but they can't make me happy. My home, my job, my car are all great, but they too cannot make me happy. 

Happiness is a direct product of you. You have to decide to be happy. You have to take action to make you happy. To many times we try to replace our lack of happiness with thing or people and we end up right back where we were, unhappy. Lasting happiness come from within. It's about how you see yourself, how you perceive your world, and how you respond to life. Happiness is an attitude that must be developed and nurtured with constant guidance. If we truly want to have lasting happiness, we have to believe that we are worthy of it. We have to believe that our life is about the good around us and it's not out to get us. Personally, I have struggled with being cynical about the world and many of those who inhabit it. I have days where I allow people to distort my happiness because I allow cynicism into my life. When we can realize that we can change the outcomes in our lives and take the appropriate action, happiness follows. Happiness is about being you and not how people perceive you. We all have critics in our lives, but become the type of person that you desire to be.

Once we begin to understand that we are the key to our happiness, then we can begin to surround ourselves with people and things that add to our happiness. I married my wife because she adds to my happiness. My children and grandsons add to my happiness. My house, car, and job add to my happiness. I listen to music, watch movies, and TV that adds to my happiness. When we find those people and things in our life that don't add to our happiness, we either have to get rid of their presence in our lives or have very limited contact with it or them. When we are truly happy, we then can better add happiness to those around us. We can change our world and the world of those around us when we understand that the foundation of our happiness begins within us. Choose to be happy, take actions to make you happy, and surround yourself with people and things that add to your happiness....oh, and don't forget to smile.

Dream Big...Pursue Big...Live Big

Fight or Flight...We Have A 3rd Option

Here is what Wikipedia has to say about the fight or flight responses in humans:

In the human fight or flight response in prehistoric times, fight was manifested in aggressive, combative behavior and flight was manifested by fleeing potentially threatening situations, such as being confronted by a predator. In current times, these responses persist, but fight and flight responses have assumed a wider range of behaviors. For example, the fight response may be manifested in angry, argumentative behavior, and the flight response may be manifested through social withdrawal, substance abuse, and even television viewing.
Males and females tend to deal with stressful situations differently. Males are more likely to respond to an emergency situation with aggression (fight), while females are more likely to flee (flight), turn to others for help, or attempt to defuse the situation – 'tend and befriend'. During stressful times, a mother is especially likely to show protective responses toward her offspring and affiliate with others for shared social responses to threat.

The fight or flight responses are at the core of our survival mode. In prehistoric times, it was kill or be killed and eat or be eaten. Still today, these responses are still very evident in our lives, though they show up in very different ways. Most of us have to worry about either killing our food or our food killing us. We usually don't have to worry about being invaded by a wandering clan that wants to pillage our community, kill us, and take our women and children. For the most part, we live in a much more civilized time and place.

The fight or flight response has changed to our everyday activities. We get home from a long day at work, the kids have their activities that they need ran from here to there to, and we still need to find time for supper. Once all of that has been completed, we may have time for some TV, an hour at the gym, or maybe we can take some time and catch up on Facebook. I know that my days seem much like this. And that only covers Monday through Friday. The weekend? Laundry, yard work, cleaning, home repairs, and more activities to run the kids to. With our busy schedules, we are either fighting to get it all done, or we flight away from some of the things that are important to us because they seem to be going smoothly.

What I mean by flight away is, that we begin to ignore the relationships closest to us, our passion for our career, true happiness, and so forth because they give us the illusion that they are fine. We ignore the warning signs of a failing marriage, the fact that we "have" to go to work instead of wanting to go to work, and signs that our life isn't where we want it to be. We begin settling and just surviving our lives.

I believe that we have an opportunity be develop a thrive response to our lives. Sure it's not always easy to get out of our comfort zone and reach for that which we truly desire, but we are so worth the effort. Anything worth having is worth working for. Are you worth your best? Is being truly happy worth working toward? Believe that you were put on this earth to thrive. Know that you deserve a life that is thriving. For a plant to grow and thrive, they dig their roots deeper and reach for the sunlight. Work on becoming who it is that you want to be by working on yourself and reaching those roots deep so that you can't easily be shaken. Reach for the sun by reaching for your dream and passions. 

Dream Big...Pursue Big...Live Big

The 3 That Work For Me

The 3 That Work For Me

1) A passion for what you do.

I don’t know what it is that you want to do in life. There’s a good chance that you don’t either. It’s okay. But what I don’t want you to do is give up and stop searching for that elusive thing called a passion. Sometimes we get so caught up looking for what it is that we want to do that we exhaust ourselves and get frustrated and then just give up and settle for whatever is convenient. There is another option, start looking at what you don’t want to do. Make a list of what you think it is that you want to do and start crossing things off the list  once you have tried them or done enough research and decided that it‘s not for you. So many times we have some many things in our mind that we think we want to do that we can’t pick just one. I have several dreams and want to try them all. But what inside of you would you do for the rest of your life even if you didn’t get paid for it. I would be a life coach and motivational speaker forever even if I didn’t get paid. Now don’t get me wrong, I have a dream to make it a profession so that  I can do it full-time and reach more people, but if the universe has a different plan for me, I would be willing to change my plans. Don’t be afraid to take a chance on you despite what others might say. If you wouldn’t take a chance on you, why should anyone else?

2) Become a student of what you do.

At every step in my retail career, I have always learned what the person  in the next step of the corporate ladder was doing, how they did it, and why they did it that manner. I have always took pride in how I have been able to take bits and pieces from everyone that I have worked with, supervisors and employees alike, and figure out what works for me. I didn’t just learn book smarts, but I also learned the physical part of what they were doing. I have worked for what I consider both good and bad bosses and  have been able to use those experiences to become the manager that I am today. I have read books, took classes, and networked with others in our industry to learn from the best. The investment that I made in me has paid huge dividends,  professionally, financially, and personally. Take the time to learn your craft, invest in knowledge, invest in yourself, and most importantly, never stop learning. I am now carrying this principle over to my coaching/speaking career. Knowledge is my constant companion and friend. Learning isn’t something that should stop when high school or college is over. With the wealth of knowledge available online and in books, there is no excuse for having a lack of knowledge. The answers are out there, just you have to put the effort in and find them.

3) Apply that knowledge with consistency and persistence.

Don’t wait to apply your knowledge, begin applying it as soon as possible. You will only truly figure out what works for you through trial and error. Don’t be afraid to make a mistake. I’m not saying that you need to jump in head first without checking the depth of the water, but testing the water will give you confidence. Those in your inner circle will be some of your best guinea pigs for your knowledge. They can give you some of the best constructive criticism. You have to be willing to step out in faith, with confidence in your ability and knowledge and apply what you know. I don’t know how many times I have been told that an idea won’t work or wouldn’t work with this company. I have had the ability to prove my critics wrong because of the knowledge that I was not afraid to apply with consistent and persistent effort.

A friend of mine, Jim Hernandez, says, “How you do anything is how you do everything.” What if your significant other only put in half an effort, how long would it last? What if when payday rolled around, you only got paid half of what you were told. What if a teacher only told you half of what you needed to know for a final exam? Stop working with half. Do what you are passionate about, make learning a part of the process, and separate yourself from the herd by apply your knowledge consistently and persistently. I believe that if I would have tried to take one of these steps out, I would have failed and not be where I am today.

Dream Big…Pursue Big…Live Big!

A Bully In My Life

I have had my share of bullies in my life. It always seemed like I didn't have a lot of friends growing up. I was the short, fat kid in school. It seems like I had a different bully in every grade. For as long as I can remember, a low self esteem haunted me. But, the story I want to share with you today is about one bully specifically. This is a story that I have only shared with a few people but I feel that it's time to share with the world.

When I was about seven year old, a man came into my life that I looked up to as a Dad, even though he was never my Dad and he would be in my life until I was around fourteen. Since my real Dad had passed away when I was almost four, he was filling a void in my life. We did what came naturally in that situation, we played catch, he taught me some basic carpentry, taught me how to ride a motorcycle, went on some vacations together, and he supported me in any sport that I wanted to try. We really established a close bond and I even became really close to his two sons. It was sort of like a family that I never had. Things went really well for a few years. During the last couple of years of the relationship, things started to change between us. I was still pretty young and I don't know what caused this to happen, but what was once a loving relationship because verbally abusive. He began to tell me that I was stupid and I would never amount to anything. Those word cut like a knife in my young heart and left an open wound that would take me years to heal from. I carried those words in my heart and soul well into my early thirties.

As I grew up, I developed a hatred for this man and how he treated me. When I was in my early twenties, I decided that his opinion of me would didn't have to become my reality. I decided that I would prove him wrong and make something of myself. I worked hard and at the age of twenty-two became a store manager for the first time. I have spent about twenty years in retail now and fourteen of them I have either been and Assistant Manager of Store Manager. Not to bad for someone who was stupid and would never amount to anything. I made the decision and put the work in to prove him wrong. So, I guess, in a way, I owe him a thanks of sorts,because his hurtful words became my driving force to be great at what I do. 

I had proved him wrong, but I was still bitter and carried a hatred around for him. It wasn't until I had a chance encounter with him about five years ago that was able to finally forgive him for what he did. We were in a public place, so decking him wasn't an option, even though I had thought about it many times. The person that I happen to be talking to at the time knew him and shook his outstretched hand when he said hi. He then turned to me, with the same outstretched hand and said hi. I kept my arms crossed and acknowledged his presence. For me that was a turning point, I knew that I had finally moved past my hatred for him and had forgiven him. I actually kind of pity him, because I have things in my life now that has has always longed for. I have and amazing relationship with my wife, kids, and grand-kids.

Just remember, that someones opinion of you doesn't have to become your reality; the sweetest revenge is massive success; and your can never truly move on until you forgive.

Dream Big...Pursue Big...Live Big.

The Fool In Me

I have been foolish in my life. I have confused contentment with happiness. I decided to settle for what is instead of what I deserved. I took the easy route in life. I repeatedly lied to others to make myself feel better about what I was doing because they would then support my lack of action. I then began to lie to myself to cover up the pain of settling. I even put on a great front to mask my internal struggle to the world. I did this for so long that I actually began to believe my own lies. I started believing that this was it, I had arrived and I was happy. Once I truly started to believe it, it was easy to walk the walk and talk the talk. My contentment became the new happiness that I had settled for. This is where I am supposed to be, this is who I am to share my life with, this is the job that I am to have, this is the new me. The new me that believed that I was content where I was at and would be happy with it.

This story is very true about me. This story applies to jobs that I have had, relationships that I have been in, and the personal struggle that I created within my life. I allowed myself to settle for less in my life so that I didn't have to work for a higher standard. I allowed myself to be content with jobs that weren't my destiny. I allowed the relationships in my life to be less than what I deserved. I allowed myself to struggle financially because it was easier than the alternative of striving for success. I had lied to myself so long that I couldn't even believe what I was tell me. I had become a fake and a fraud to myself. 

The hardest truths are the ones that we have to tell and accept of ourselves. When we can finally come to grips with where we are in life, why were are here, and how we got here, a new life can begin. But until then, you will be stuck being a fool and confusing contentment with happiness. Once you accept the responsibility for your life, and how you got to where you are, then you can begin the journey of rediscovering the real you. Then you can move on to becoming the person that you were destined to become and live that life that you deserve. 

Now that you have read this, it's gut check time. Do you have what it takes to start being real with yourself or will you continue to play the part of the fool? Will you stop the lies and begin again on the path to the person that you were destined to be? Make the right choice. Stop being content and start being happy.

Dream Big...Pursue Big...Live Big