A Title Does Not Make A Leader

Years ago, my Mom used to say, "My job title and fifty cents could buy her a cup of coffee." The price of a cup of coffee has went way up since then, but the truth remains. A title is just a title. I've always told me employees that, "The only difference between me and them, is that when the poo rolls down hill, it just hits me first."

I have know for years, that I am only as good as my employees. It is ultimately my responsibility to make sure that I have the right people in the right place at the right time, but I am still dependent upon their drive and desire to do a good job. I have been very blessed to work with some great people in my life. People who were committed to their job, their quality of work, and their desire to be better. I have even had employees want to follow me when I transferred to another store, or even quit the company to follow me to a new company. Leadership has many facets to it, but here are just a few, of what I believe to be, core principles:

1) Be the Example

2) Be Empathetic

3) Give Credit Where It's Due

4) Respect is Earned

I have never been to good to do anything that I would ask an employee to do. I have cleaned bathrooms, swept floors, cashiered, stocked, and worked nights, weekends, and holidays. I have tried to set the example of what I expect from my employees. I try to be empathetic to their wants and needs, but I remind them that I still have a store to run. When my bosses have come around, I never take credit for a project that I didn't do and I will take the blame if something is wrong because I allowed it. I never pass the blame onto someone else. Having a title should carry a certain amount of respect, but that can be lost if you are not a good leader, and the rest should be earned.

I have got to where I am today, because of my employees. Yes, it took my drive, desire, and applying the skills/knowledge that I have learned, but I still owe a lot to all those who have worked for me. Remember a title is just a title if you don't respect your position. 

As the leader of you life, you can also follow these core principles: Be the example, Be empathetic, Give credit where it is due, and earn your respect from others. Surround yourself with the right people, to have in the right place, at the right time for when you need them. You are not using people, because you should be that person in their lives as well.

Dream Big...Pursue Big...Live Big!

It's About What We Left

Father's Day is tomorrow and I wanted to share what Father's Day means to me. Being a Dad is something that I have always wanted to be. Many little boys dream of become a firefighter, a policeman, a doctor, and many other things. Sure I had those dreams to, but it was always preceded by being a Dad. In 1992 I got that opportunity, my daughter was born and it was the happiest day of my life. I became a Dad again in 2003, when my son was born. My children mean the world to me. I love being a Dad. Sure, it's one of the hardest jobs in the world, but it's rewards are immeasurable. As my children have grown up, I have had to watch them fall, but physically and figuratively, but that it a part of the job. I have always tried to be there for them when they have needed me. 

My Dad died when I was almost 3 and I have no memories of him, only photos and story that people have shared with me. But, the stories that have been shared with me, have helped me realize that even though he was taken from me at an early age, he left a legacy that has lived on through the years. My Mom says that I am very much like my Dad. People who knew my Dad, say the same thing. I have heard so many wonderful stories about my Dad. How caring he was, his work ethic, and his family values. What he has left behind is a life that touched many people. I know that my Dad would be proud of me. 

When I was 15, my Mom got remarried and my step-Dad entered my life. Needless to say, I was not always the role model kids. I had temper issues and was a very typical rebellious teenager. My parents had their hands full. But my step-Dad has always been there for me and has always supported me. He never gave up on me becoming a responsible adult. Thank you for your love and support.

In 2005 I too became a step-Dad. I have tried my best to follow the great example that my step-Dad was to me. Even though we are not as close as I would like to be, I know that she knows I am always there for her. I love being a step-Dad too.

It's not what we leave for our children, it's what we leave in them. I hope that when I am gone, my children can look back, with a smile on their faces and in their hearts, at the legacy that I have left for them. Be the role model in your kids' life. Even if you have stumbled in the past, you can begin to create that legacy today.

Dream Big...Pursue Big...Live Big

A Mirror Image

I recently posted on facebook, "The reflection that we see in the mirror is merely a reflection of our past choices, not a view of our future." The topic of what we see in the mirror has stuck with me for a couple of days now. I keep running it through my mind and I wanted to share some of my thoughts. 

Who and what we are today are results of the choices that we have made in the past. When you look in the mirror, you might see an overweight person, an alcoholic, a drug addict, a failure as a spouse or parent, or something else. The point is, you see that because that is what you have created. Now, you can blame your present situation on anything you want. You can say that is was because I was raise in the projects, my Mom didn't love me, my Dad abandoned me, I was bullied in school, I was molested, I was abused, or what ever else might have happened to you. All these things that have happened to you, is not who you are. You are a product of how you decided to react to these situations. Stop playing the blame game and having pity parties for you past. The only reason that it is holding you back is because you are still carrying that baggage. The only reason that you are not where you want to be in life is because you are allowing your past to dictate your future. You are allowing the image that you see in the mirror to become your reality.

Where you have been in life, what you have done, and what has happened to you, has nothing to do with where you can be in life. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that your past has nothing to do with your future, because it does. You have a choice to make, will your past make you or break you? You can allow it to continue to prevent you from accomplishing your greatness or you can use it as a tool and motivation to accomplishing your greatness. 

I allowed that imagine in the mirror to control my life for years. All I saw was that "short, fat kid", the kids that was told, "your dumb and will never amount to anything." Yes, my Father died when I was 3, yes, my brother died when I was 2, yes, I was abused as a kid, yes, I was bullied in school, and yes, I failed with my first marriage. I could have used any one of these things to just give up and chose to live less then what I was capable of. But I knew that I had more in me. I knew that I could accomplish something more than mediocrity. I had heart to move on. No it didn't happen over night, some of my image problems carried into my thirties. I was not going to allow my past to create my future. Sure, if I would have dealt with some of these issues sooner, my life might be different. But the point is, I never gave up.


So the next time that you look in the mirror, realize that you are staring face to face with your greatness. 


Dream Big...Pursue Big...Live Big

Kids On A Leash

Now, I'm not talking about the things that you strap to your child so that they don't wander to far when you are at the zoo, amusement park, and shopping malls. I have seen these devices and personally I find them funny. I never had a use for them for my kids but I can see their value. Maybe they should make them with a bungee cord, now that could be entertainment.

My parents, ex in-laws, and current in-laws have all told me that I am or have been too strict on my kids. My daughter(from a previous marriage) is now 20, and my son(from my current marriage) is 9. I'm sure, that from their views, I have been too strict on my kids. I have high standards on how I think that my kids should act. Do I expect perfection, no. But I do expect them to act right. I never heard a complaint from any of them about one of my kids acting up whenever they had them. Many times, I would hear stories about how strangers complimented them on how well their grand kids behaved where ever they might have taken them.

Here is what has worked for me. I believe that when kids are small, you have to keep the leash on them tight and close to you. Be firm, set the standards that you expect, and stick to it. My kids have had things taken away from them, ground for weeks on end, and yes, I believe in a firm swat on the rear is occasionally needed. Children need to learn and understand early on that there are rules and guidelines that have to be followed in life and especially in public. My kids get to go to the toy aisle, after I am done shopping, if we didn't have any problems. I believe in rewarding good behavior, not just punishing the bad. I've always told my kids how I appreciate how good they were in a given situation. I've always scorned the action but never the child. Our kids aren't bad, but their actions, sometimes are.  

As my children have began to grow up and they start wanting to have some freedoms, like playing at the neighbors house, going on a bike ride with friends, driving, dating, and so on, I have been confident that they know my rules and because I have kept the leash tight, I have some to give. It's an understanding that I can and will quickly pull that leash back if they get out of line. The more that they show they can handle the more that I can let go of the leash.

Too many times, I have seen parents struggling with teens that they allowed to just run as kids. If you give all the slack out when they are toddlers and young children, I believe that it is next to impossible to reign that leash back in when they are teens. We, as parents, have a responsibility to our children. We need to raise them to be upstanding members of society. They need to understand and have respect for rules and others. I am confident that I could let my kids go alone into a store, restaurant, or any other public place and they wouldn't act a fool. Their age, yes, but not act up. I love my children, but they know that Dad will be stern when they get out of line. 

Dream Big...Pursue Big...Live Big