Where Do You Stand?

I used to be one of those people who was so worried about what people thought of me. I would stress out about it so much that I would lose sleep, miss opportunities, and I ended up losing myself in the process. When I was in this, what seemed like a never ending cycle, I was so busy trying to please others that I wasn't pleasing to myself. Some of this might have been caused by a low self-esteem and self-image. I wanted to be liked by others so much and tried to be like them that I wasn't being me. This was detrimental to my well being and had all but stopped my ability to become the person that I was born to be. 

I'm not sure what that defining moment was, but I finally decided that trying to get people to like me was the wrong mind set and had to change. Through this process, I have lost those who I thought were friends, because they didn't like the "new me." I stand behind who I am and am willing to deal with the consequences. I make a decision and move on in life. Sure, I still make mistakes, and will apologize for them, but I'll be damned before I go back to a people pleasing mentality. I don't need for people to like me, I need to be me and those who need to be in my life will be come and those who don't will fall by the way side. 

Sometimes my decisions are unpopular, but in order to be a great leader, you have to be able to make tough decisions at the risk of criticisms. Nobody wants to follow an indecisive person. Be brave enough to make the decision and follow through with it. On the flip side of that, don't try to pass the buck when your stance has negative repercussions. You made the decision and you will need to handle to fall out from that decision, be it good or bad, with grace and dignity. 

For those who have really got to know me the past several years, know that I am a very direct person. If you don't know where you stand with me, ask me. But understand, I will not pull punches. I would rather tell you the truth and risk you being mad at me than lying to you and us going through life with that. The truth, most of the time, hurts bad, but it allows both of us the ability to move in a positive direction. What we do with the responsibility of that truth, is now in the hands of the individual. Ignore it and stay the same, or use it to make you better.

I have a friend that was going through a really rough patch in their life years ago. This person came to me time and time again with the same problems. Every time I would do what I could to direct them in a different direction, but they ended up right back in the same place. Finally, I had to have a heart to heart with them about this. I sat them down and explain to them that I was no longer going to be there for them concerning specific problems. Needless to say, they didn't take it very well. It was not easy for me to abandon a friend in need, but I get to a point that I get tired of wasting my breath. I told them that I would talk to them about anything else, but if they brought up these issues again, I would not discuss them. I no longer needed the weight that they kept trying to throw on me. It was time for them to carry the full load. This person thought that I was being an "ass." For awhile they didn't talk to me at all. What I was doing was, removing myself from being the constant life preserver, and forcing them to swim on their own. This person decided to tread water for awhile and finally learned to swim. It has been so great to see them swim in recent years.

A couple of final thoughts. 1) You need to know where you stand with you. Set your boundaries and don't allow anyone to cross them, including yourself 2) Don't lie to others just to keep someone in your life. Tell them the truth and deal with the consequences. When you lie, you have compromised your boundaries.

Adapt, Improvise, And Overcome to become your best.