Undercover Lost

 I really enjoy watching the show Undercover Boss. The fact that a corporate executive takes the time to go out in to the field and see, first hand, what the front line is really like. They get an opportunity to see if their initiatives are or are not working. They get to see the everyday struggles and triumphs of their employees. I think that every corporate executive should have to go out into field for at least a week every year. They have to leave the office behind and spend a week working hand in hand with the associates who made the company run their day to day operations. I think that they would get a better perspective as to how their company really works. 

The majority of this post will be from my perspective as an hourly employee and as a salary manager. I know that I have no clue all the struggles that occur at the corporate office, I can only comment from my own personal experiences. I am sure that I could gain a new respect for the jobs of a corporate executive if I spent some time at a corporate office. I know that their job, like mine, can be very difficult at times. I am sure that things happen at the hourly associate level that creates a major headache for them. Many of these headaches probably could have been avoided, had the associate just followed the policies already in place. But, the corporate executive is now having to clean up the mess.

So here it goes, my view of the corporate office from my personal experiences in retail. There seems to be a huge disconnect between corporate offices and it's employees that work in the field daily. Corporate executives seem to keep rolling out new ideas and policies without completely investigating the effects on the associates. It sometimes seems like, some of these ideas/ policies are rolled out just to justify someone's job in the office. Here is a new ideas/policy, now make it happen. Maybe it's just my analytical mind, but there always seems to be so many problems with most of these roll outs. I am sure that they sometimes do trial runs in select stores, but how much do they listen to the opinions of those doing the "test run"? Or are they just saying, "Here is the idea, make it happen."? I agree with doing test runs, however, those in the field should have the best perspective as to how well it will work out and what needs to be adjusted.

Every company that I have worked for says that their associates are their most valuable asset and yet they treat us like we are mere side notes to sales and profits. Sure we are valued, valued to be puppets on strings to do their bidding to make the company money. They will talk about turn over as a problem and yet they don't implement programs or train leaders how to reduce turn over. I believe that the biggest cause of turn over is that the associates don't feel appreciated. I am convinced that if an associate feels valued, they will stay with that employer, even if it means less pay than they can get elsewhere. People are motivated by feeling like they are a part of something bigger than their selves. Sure money helps, but it's not the biggest determining factor in an employee staying with a company. What is a company doing to make their associates feel valued? The company that I currently work for, several years ago, took away the music playing in our stores. From what I can figure out, it was to reduce costs. I understand that, but I would be willing to give up part of my annual profit sharing bonus to have music back in my store. Not only would I appreciate it, but so would the associates and customers. Not every decision to protect the bottom line is the right decision.

I am just guessing, but I would venture to bet that if you ask most associates, "What is your employer's mission statement?", they would have no clue. Mission statements have value at a corporate level but are meaningless to the average employee. If you take an interest in your associates, your associate will take an interest in the corporate office. Leadership is not about your mission statement, it is about people. Sure a leader needs to be that vision statement, but if that leader doesn't see people as valuable human beings but sees them as replaceable parts, all is lost. People are the key to success, not a mission statement. In the book, "The One-Minute Manager" it talks about being the kind of manager that you would want to work for. How many corporate executives are the kind of corporate executives that they would want to work for? Just because we are all replaceable, doesn't mean that we have to be treated as such. We should not be treated as expendable parts, but as human beings.

So, I know that it has sounded like I have done nothing but vent about my career, but it's not really the case. I enjoy the career that I have chosen. I have had the privilege to work for some wonderful district and regional managers. Managers that actually care about their associates. I have been in the retail world for over 20 years and I have seen the value of associates diminish over the years. I have always tried to make my associates feel valued and like a part of a family. I have little to no turn over because I don't see them as replaceable parts, but as human beings. Sure, I still have to write people up for failure for follow company policies, but they also know that they have forced my hand for me to do so when they refuse to correct their actions. Leadership is about people following those who make them feel valued and important. I have always tried to do just that, and so far I have been pretty successful.

***To Corporate Executives***
- Get out in the field and see what the front lines are really like
- Listen to those who are on the front lines
- Be the kind of corporate executive that you would want to work for
- Care more about people than a mission statement

Adapt, Improvise,And Overcome to become your best.

The Bully In Me

With so much attention on bullying these days, I thought that I would share my perspective on it. I know that some of what I am about to share might not be popular with everyone, but this is just my perspective. I have some understanding into this epidemic. I was bullied as a child and have even been as an adult. I know the scars that it has left on me emotionally. I know the effects that is had on my childhood and how I carried it into my adulthood. These scars affected my self-confidence and self-image. 

I am also aware of the effects that it can have on a family, when a person decides to take their own life due to the abuse that they receive from bullies. This tragic end, is rarely the results of a first time being bullied. Usually this is the choice made by someone who has been bullied for an extended period of time. Being bullied, wears you down to the point that, all too often, suicide seems like the only way out. If you are contemplating this option, please talk to someone about it. This is not your only option. There are people around you that are there to help you because they care and love you very much.

I want to address another version of bullying. This, I believe, is the worst kind of bullying. It is the bullying of ourselves. How can we bully ourselves? The most common way is our self talk. We tell ourselves that we are a loser, worthless, unlovable, and alone. None of these things are true and yet we choose to only listen to these very hurtful words from ourselves. Our confidence begins and ends with us, and these kinds of beliefs about ourselves, ruin our self-esteem. We are not losers, we have made it this far and can keep going. We have all had struggles in life and made it through them, we can make it through another one. We are not worthless because we all have a purpose in life. As long you are still breathing, you have a purpose to fulfill and the world needs you to fulfill it. When you feel like you are unlovable, remember that you have people around you that love you. But don't fall into the trap of relying on the love of others. We all know that people will let us down. Love has to begin from within us. We have to learn to love ourselves. We are never really alone. We live in such a connected world that there is always someone will be there. If you ever feel alone, and can't seem to find someone, get a hold of me. I will chat with you.

I believe that the best way to combat any form of bullying is to build self-confidence. We all have a breaking point, but the goal should be to make it stronger than it was yesterday. I believe that it is almost impossible to bully a person with a lot of self-confidence. If you are a person who needs to work on their self-confidence, don't be afraid to ask for help. Find a mentor, someone with a lot of self-confidence, and find out what has worked for them. Develop your weaknesses into strengths, develop your mind, body, and soul. When I began working on myself, the bullies in my life seem to fade away, including the bully in me. Sure, I can still get down on myself, in a manner that is bullying, but I know how to bounce back. You can only keep a person with strong self-confidence down for so long before they stand up and defend themselves.

Stop allowing others to bully you. Stop making yourself the victim of your own bullying. You are an amazing individual. Raise children that are strong with confidence. Raise your own self-confidence and become their example to live by. I believe that building self-confidence is the best anti-bullying tool available to us all. 

Adapt, Improvise, And Overcome to become your best.

Water In A Desert

 The desert teaches us what the water is for -Chase Reeves

I have walked many deserts alone. Some of that was of my own choosing and some of that was because I placed myself there and only I could get myself out. I know that our lives go in cycles and if I choose direct my attention towards it, I could find every reason to just sit down and live my days out in one of those deserts. However, I choose to direct my attention on the fact that I have already been through some pretty hot and dry deserts in my life's journey and I have made it through them all.

I am a fighter. I have always been the person who found a way to pick myself up and continue trekking to find that next oasis in the desert. I am a very strong emotional and spiritual person. I have had to learn to fight for everything that I have achieved in life. I have had to do it on my own so many times that it seems like that is all I know. I know that I will never let myself down. When it seems like days or weeks have went by and there has been not water in sight, I have always had the ability to find it within myself to keep going. It is almost like I have the resiliency of a camel in the desert.

I know that I am very opinionated and passionate about my convictions and I'll be damned if I am going to back down. Those who have taken the time to get to know me the best, know that having a person like me on your side, you are never alone. I don't give up on people easily and am willing to go into your desert with you and give you the very best direction that I can. We can find the water together despite the odds. I will stand by your side against all obstacles. I have been through deserts in my profession, relationships, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. So I have a lot to offer as a partner in the desert. 

When I have found water in the deserts of this journey in life, it is like no other water. It refreshes, quenches my thirst, and energizes me in my journey. If I had not been through the desert, I would not completely appreciate the water. Sometimes that water has been an encouraging word from a stranger, an encouraging word that I have been able to give to another(reminding me of my purpose in life), or maybe it has been a person being there to walk with me for a brief moment in my journey. No matter what form it has taken, I savor it like it will be my last drink. We have to be able to take in these moments(drinks) and be blessed by them. 

**Warning**
The next paragraph (in italics) is very blunt and to the point. Some might be offended. If you are easily offended please don't continue reading, just skip to the last paragraph.
I don't need anyone in my life. I have had to do so much on my own that I am okay keeping it that way. My strength doesn't come from anyone but it come from within me. It's not that I don't want people in my life, it's just that I am this strong because I have had to learn to do it on my own. I love the people around me and know that I am very blessed for having them in my life. Many of them have been there to encourage me but I understand that it was still me who got me out of the desert. The deserts that I must traverse are for me and no one else. I refuse to drag people into stuff that does not concern them. I also refuse to live in deserts that I have already been through. I will not live my life a victim and I do not need your sympathy. I got this and I will be better because of any desert that I go through.

As my life's journey is about to take me to another level and I am about to do some amazing things in my life, I am not crazy enough to think that there are not more deserts in my journey. I will be blessed by every once of water that I will be fortunate enough to have in those times. I will traverse this journey in life and become better because of it. Find your water when you are in the desert and never forget to pack a canteen. Pack those things that get you through tough times and be blessed by them. Know that you and only you can get you out of this desert but always be looking for guides along the way.

A quick side note: A couple of years ago I read the book The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It is an amazing read and I would encourage everyone to read it.

Adapt, Improvise, And Overcome to become your best.

Where Do You Stand?

I used to be one of those people who was so worried about what people thought of me. I would stress out about it so much that I would lose sleep, miss opportunities, and I ended up losing myself in the process. When I was in this, what seemed like a never ending cycle, I was so busy trying to please others that I wasn't pleasing to myself. Some of this might have been caused by a low self-esteem and self-image. I wanted to be liked by others so much and tried to be like them that I wasn't being me. This was detrimental to my well being and had all but stopped my ability to become the person that I was born to be. 

I'm not sure what that defining moment was, but I finally decided that trying to get people to like me was the wrong mind set and had to change. Through this process, I have lost those who I thought were friends, because they didn't like the "new me." I stand behind who I am and am willing to deal with the consequences. I make a decision and move on in life. Sure, I still make mistakes, and will apologize for them, but I'll be damned before I go back to a people pleasing mentality. I don't need for people to like me, I need to be me and those who need to be in my life will be come and those who don't will fall by the way side. 

Sometimes my decisions are unpopular, but in order to be a great leader, you have to be able to make tough decisions at the risk of criticisms. Nobody wants to follow an indecisive person. Be brave enough to make the decision and follow through with it. On the flip side of that, don't try to pass the buck when your stance has negative repercussions. You made the decision and you will need to handle to fall out from that decision, be it good or bad, with grace and dignity. 

For those who have really got to know me the past several years, know that I am a very direct person. If you don't know where you stand with me, ask me. But understand, I will not pull punches. I would rather tell you the truth and risk you being mad at me than lying to you and us going through life with that. The truth, most of the time, hurts bad, but it allows both of us the ability to move in a positive direction. What we do with the responsibility of that truth, is now in the hands of the individual. Ignore it and stay the same, or use it to make you better.

I have a friend that was going through a really rough patch in their life years ago. This person came to me time and time again with the same problems. Every time I would do what I could to direct them in a different direction, but they ended up right back in the same place. Finally, I had to have a heart to heart with them about this. I sat them down and explain to them that I was no longer going to be there for them concerning specific problems. Needless to say, they didn't take it very well. It was not easy for me to abandon a friend in need, but I get to a point that I get tired of wasting my breath. I told them that I would talk to them about anything else, but if they brought up these issues again, I would not discuss them. I no longer needed the weight that they kept trying to throw on me. It was time for them to carry the full load. This person thought that I was being an "ass." For awhile they didn't talk to me at all. What I was doing was, removing myself from being the constant life preserver, and forcing them to swim on their own. This person decided to tread water for awhile and finally learned to swim. It has been so great to see them swim in recent years.

A couple of final thoughts. 1) You need to know where you stand with you. Set your boundaries and don't allow anyone to cross them, including yourself 2) Don't lie to others just to keep someone in your life. Tell them the truth and deal with the consequences. When you lie, you have compromised your boundaries.

Adapt, Improvise, And Overcome to become your best.

Beginning Again

In my last blog post, The Gambler, I talked about how I needed to go back to the beginning and start over. I have taken the opportunity to do just that. But not exactly the way I had planned. After talking to a new friend on facebook this past week, she reignited my desire to write my book. I've know for some  time now that I have wanted and needed to do this. However, I allowed myself to procrastinate it. So, I promised to her that I would begin working on my book today. I am proud to say that I have the rough drafts of the Preface and three chapters. This has been such and exhilarating and freeing experience. I've always known that I had a book in me, I was just being lazy. 

Parts of my book are coming from my blog posts, so I have been able to go back to the beginning of this journey and remind myself, why, I began in the first place. When I started this blog, it was to inspire others. Then I realized that it was also therapeutic for me as well. Now, this blog has once again transformed into something that I didn't see when I began. It is now the inspiration for my book and is like pouring fuel on the fire that got reignited earlier this week.

It feels really good to be able to go back and begin again. Only this time I get to do it with a fresh set of eyes and new knowledge to apply to it. I know that this restart of sorts, will only make me better. This restart isn't about failure, but about going back to the foundation that I started with. It's a chance to check for cracks that might have occurred over the past few years. It's a chance reacquaint myself with my passion again. I seem to have lost some focus and got some things distorted. I had lost some of my reason for this journey and got lost in results. This journey was never intended to be result driven, but rather about the opportunity to help others. I may have touched lives that I will never know about and I am okay with that. It's not about me, it's about helping others.

One final note. I am so thankful for the family and friends in my life. As much as I have tried to inspire and motivate them, many times they, without knowing, have done just that for me. Whether we know it or not, we are all living in a very interconnected universe. All of our actions or lack thereof, have an effect on others. Please remember this when you interact with others. We all have the chance to inspire change in another. We all know about being the change that we want to see in this world. Just make sure that we are showing it outwardly and allowing others to see it. Thank you to everyone that has been there in this journey and rest assured that things are once again looking up. I knew that this valley couldn't hold me for long. The view from the mountain top has been calling me, I just need that "kick in the butt" to begin my assent once again.

Adapt, Improvise, And Overcome to be your very best.

The Gambler

I'm not a very good poker player, but it seems as of late, like I have been holding onto a hand that I should have long since folded. Sure there have been moments when it looked like maybe the cards were going to turn into my favor, but alas, luck didn't seem to be on my side. Then, out of the blue yesterday, I was reminded of this song.

Kenny Rogers the Gambler

"You gotta know when to hold'em."
"Know when to fold'em."
"Know when to walk away and know when to run."
"You never count your money, when you're sitting at the table, there time enough for counting, when the dealing is done."

I think that it's not that I have been dealt a junk hand, it's that I have just been playing the same hand over and over again, expecting a different result. A losing hand is a losing hand and a winning hand is a winning hand. No sense in playing the same hand over and over again. Learn from you wins and loses.

I have decided to go back to the beginning and reignite the core of why I do what I do. Maybe I had forgotten my true reason for beginning on this journey. Time to remind myself of my past, in a constructive way. It's not that I am dwelling on the past, but more of a motivation as to why I started this journey in the first place. Only this time, I have more knowledge and experience to build a better foundation. A reshuffling of the deck.

In my retail career, I've always tried to stay grounded in never forgetting where I came from. Remembering what it was like to be that part-time cashier/stocker working for minimum wage. I have always took pride in how relate-able I was to my employees because I never let my position go to my head. Time for me to reacquaint myself with my purpose. 

Time to stop worrying about results and concern myself with working on myself more and letting the cards fall where they may. There are obviously still glaring holes in my journey. Still things that I must learn and thing that I am good at but must become better. I enjoy my life's calling, but I have seemed to lost a part of my way recently. Time to retrace some steps and reflect on what it took to get me where I am today. Remember where I came from and set a reignited fire inside of me to blaze the next part of my journey.

Adapt, Improvise, And Overcome to be your very best.

Dodging Lemons

A friend of mine recently post about life giving them lemons and they are tired of making lemonade. I know that we have all probably been in this kind of situation multiple times in our lives. I know I have. It seems like no matter what we do, another lemon is thrown our way. We look ahead and can see the light at the end of the tunnel and, WHAM, out of no where comes another lemon, knocking us back to where we can no longer see the end of the tunnel. This vicious cycle can weaken us physically and mentally and cause depression.

We get warn out dodging all the lemons we can, only to be blind-sided by one we didn't expect. These kind of struggles feel more like we are winning the occasional battle but still losing he war. For the first few days or maybe even weeks, we are able to still hold our head high and keep our spirits up. But a continual barrage of lemons will eventually begin to get the better of us. The only words of advice that I have for you at that moment is to not give up. This is probably not the first time that you have been in this situation and you didn't give up last time, so why give up now? You are stronger and better prepared for it this time whether you realize it or not. 

I have friends that say, when life hands you lemons, add vodka and throw a party. Sometimes we just need to take a step back and put the lemons and life into perspective. Will some of these things that are happening right now mean anything next week, next month, or even next year? We get so caught up trying to dodge lemons, that we just take on anything coming our way. We have to pick our battles. Not everything that comes our way is worth our physical or mental efforts. What is important now? What can wait. We are not designed to take on more then we can handle and yet we allow ourselves to get into that situation because we take on stuff that really isn't that important. Also, be careful not to take on the lemons that aren't even yours. Don't allow others to pile their lemons into your basket. 

Pick your battles, dodge lemons that aren't important now, and deal with only the lemons that are truly yours. If you need to step away and gain some perspective, do it. It will only benefit you and those around you. A lot of the time, when you come back with some perspective, you will find that some of the lemons are gone. 

Adapt, Improvise, And Overcome to be your very best.