Off The Hook

As a society, we keep asking, "What has happened to us?" Here is a theory for you to ponder. We have become a society of quick fix, not my fault, excuse accepting, bunch of sympathetic whiners. Now, I am sure that this doesn't apply to you, so bare with me as I point out the flaws of others(I'll get to mine in a bit). I'm depressed....take a pill. I'm the wrong ethnic decent...settle for something less. I'm to young/old...give up. My Mom/Dad wasn't in my life...that is why you are the way you are. I was abused as a child...we should cut you some slack. We allow excuses from our selves and others. We go to those who will be sympathetic to our needs and let us off the hook of responsibility for our actions. We have lowered the standards of human responsibility. I'm not saying that we shouldn't be empathetic to others' needs, but to hold ourselves and others' to a lower standard than what we deserve is wrong. Stop letting yourself off the hook for you actions or the lack thereof. If you are overweight, it is probably because you refuse to change your eating habits and exercise. If you are lazy, it is probably because you refuse to turn the TV off and do something productive. You don't live in poverty because you have to, you live there because you have chosen to. We allow excused to run our lives. We keep looking at what we can't do instead of looking at what we can do. Maybe you can't run a marathon, but I bet you could walk to the end of your street. You might not make a millions dollars this year, but most fast food places are hiring and some money is better than no money. It's your life, why are you letting yourself off the hook of responsibility of living it to it's fullest? No more excuses, no more pity parties. If something isn't right in your life, change it with the ability that you currently have. It may not fix it completely, but at least you have started down the path. The rest will work out when the time is right. 

I don't read as much as I would like...all because I won't turn the TV off. I weigh more than I would like because I won't change my eating habit and exercise. I'm not where I would like to be in my life because I have allowed fear to hold me back in some areas. I take responsibility for my life. I don't blame growing up without a Father, I don't blame being abuse by a "father figure", I don't blame growing up without a silver spoon in my mouth. It's my life, and if I don't like something about it, I and I alone have to change it. Society allows me to place blame where ever I want and settle for less than what I am capable of. I won't allow it. I used to play that game and it got me nowhere except unhappy and depressed. Take back control of your life and don't allow yourself off the hook. I am my biggest constructive criticizer. I don't beat myself up over my mistakes and missteps, but I critique myself and work on improving what I can improve. Begin today.

Dream Big...Pursue Big...Live Big

Not All Who See Have Vision

Let's be honest here. Sometimes, it seems, that life can really suck. Drama, finances, family, job(or lack of), and friends, just to name a few of the things that seem to cause life to suck. We seem to get thrown into situations that we didn't create, and yet, it seems as though we are the ones who need to rectify the situation. Too many times, we take up the torches that have nothing to do with us. We have to learn to remove ourselves from these situations. Allowing others to drag us into their "world" only damages us. I'm not saying that we shouldn't help others. What I am saying is, it is more beneficial to help others help themselves. Like the old saying goes, "Feed a man to fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime." First step of less stress, don't allow others' dramas and problems to become your dramas and problems.We get blinded by what is going on and lose sight of the root causes. Second step is to never lose our own vision of happiness. If we are not happy, we become less effective not only in our own lives, but in the lives of others. It's not selfish to make ourselves happy. It's selfish to not be happy. We all have so much to offer the world in which we live and the only way to be effective, it is be happy. Loving ourselves and accepting where we are right now in our life is so important. It doesn't mean that we are where we want to be, but understanding where we are, how we got there, and what we want our lives to look like in the future is healthy. Not until I accepted who I was, how I had gotten to where I was, and the developed a clear vision of where it was that I wanted to go, did my life begin to change. I still had to take action and I still had bumps in the road, but when the end results are our focus, life becomes much easier. I have come to another fork in my life's journey, and I will take it with serenity because I know that which ever path I choose it will be the right one for me now. 

I would encourage all of you to stop just looking at the world in which you live and develop a vision for where it is you want to go and the kind of person that you want to become. Without sight we will trip on the pebbles that others have left, but without vision we have, in essence, placed ourselves in pitch darkness. Get a vision for your life. Make your vision about the intangibles in life. Love, happiness, compassion, and self-worth are some of the most to me. What is important to you in your life? How can you create more of those things in your life? 

Dream Big...Pursue Big...Live Big.

Beware The Treadmill

During the Victorian era, British prisoners were put on treadmills to drive machinery. Some of the prisoners found solace in doing meaningful work, so the authorities disconnected the treadmill from the machinery, to make it a meaningless activity. This proved to be a worse punishment. Have you ever felt as though you were walking on a treadmill without purpose?

We all, at some point in our lives, have taken our turn on the treadmill going nowhere. We get comfortable and settle for "it is what it is." It could be our relationships, our jobs, our finances, or even ourselves. We begin settling for where we are us and stop striving for better. We step onto that treadmill, known as complacency, and begin our journey to nowhere. So many times this happens shortly after high school or college when we finally step out into the "real world." We trade our dreams and aspirations for playing it safe and living a life set by the status-quo. We all have dreams and passions in life. The pursuit of them, changes our lives. Sure it can be uncomfortable at times, but so is not pursuing them. We were not designed to live a life of monotony. We were designed to life a full and vibrant life. Our true passions in life is a part of our DNA. It is a part of who we are meant to become. I  lived many years of my life ignoring the real person that I was destined to be. Denying that spark of passion inside of me because it was more comfortable to just get through life where I was. Change scares us all. Sure, there are still days that I question if I am on the right path. Doubt still creeps in and I have to make those decisions whether to continue my path or give up. But then I take a look where I came from and see what it has taken to get me to where I am today. That next step break through could be just around the corner and if I give up now I will never see it. So I keep on keeping on. I have lived on a treadmill to nowhere and I have stepped out on faith and took the path towards my passion. If I had to choose again today, I would still choose living a life pursuing a passion. Sure, I'm not where I would like to be, but this journey has changed my life. I would challenge you today, to pick up your passion and just, for the next week, take a baby step daily towards it. See where you are in a week. 

Dream Big...Pursue Big...Live Big

How Did YOU Make YOU Feel Today?

I was reading in a book this evening and was reminded of a quote, from Maya Angelou, that I have read many times over but I saw it in a different light.

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them fee."

While I believe that this is an awesome quote and should be at the forefront of our minds daily, for some reason, I realized another application of it.

"I've learned that I will forget what I said, I will forget what I did, but I will never forget how I made me feel." 

Our self talk is probably the most damaging or empowering part of our lives. It's said that within our words are life and death. What we tell ourselves controls our actions. Sure we can go against our words, but most of the time it is only a temporary situation. "I am NOT going on that roller-coaster!" But sure enough, we give in and go. "I will never get back into a relationship with him/her. Next week we are posting on facebook how in lover we are with that very person. It's not that we are indecisive, it's just that our true nature, the things that we have repeatedly told ourselves, eventually make their way to the surface. We have programmed ourselves through what we tell ourselves. We end up going on that roller-coaster because deep down we know that it will probably be fun. We end up back in that bad relationship because we don't think that we will be able to find anyone else. We have the ability to breathe life and death into our lives. What kind of person do you truly desire to be? Tell yourself about you as that person. Sure it sounds weird to start, but the fact of the matter is, it works. Is there a bad habit that you want to change? Tell yourself about what your life will look like without that habit. When we are trying to move away from the negative things in our life, we have to replace them with a positive or, chances are, one bad habit will be replaced by another bad habit. 

Before you fall asleep tonight, tell yourself about all the positive things that happened in your life today. You may have some days that all you can think of is how you got that parking spot closest to the door at the grocery store. Take what you can everyday. Before your feet hit the floor in the morning, tell yourself about all the positive things that you will accomplish today. Begin to breathe life into your life and stop yourself from breathing death to the things in your life that you desire and deserve. 

How did YOU make YOU feel today?

Dream Big...Pursue Big...Live Big

Revisiting The Why

This is a speech that I gave at my Toastmasters club.

Eat your veggies.
Why?
It’s time for bed.
Why?
Try to go to the bathroom before you get in the car.
Why?
Clean your room.
Why?

We’ve all probably experienced the “why” stage with a child? That stage, where it doesn’t seem to matter what you tell them, they ask “why?” 

Why is defined as “for what, for what reason, cause, purpose.”  So let’s play the “Why” game. Why are you a Toastmaster? What is the purpose of going to work? What is the reason your feet hit the floor every morning? These are the kinds of questions that we, as adults, have to ask of ourselves. Not need to ask, but HAVE to ask ourselves.  We get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life that we lose sight of our “whys.“ When we don’t know whys, we are merely settling for what is more commonly know as a rut. And the difference between a rut and a grave is the dirt in your face and the room to run around in. I’m a Toastmaster because I have a passion for speaking, I go to work because I know that I CAN make a difference, my feet hit the floor because I know I WILL be a light in a dark world.

When you  KNOW the why, the how will come. Don’t allow the hows control your whys. I didn’t always know how to be a store manager, but I kept showing up for work because my why was to become a store manager. Opportunities came to me because I was putting in the work into my why. When I knew that I wanted to make a difference in the lives of others the opportunities of how showed up in my life. I want challenge you to question the situations in your life that you don’t know your why.  Why am I in this financial situation, why am I unhappy, why did I choose this career, why did my feet hit the floor today?

Children look at their world with eyes of wonder and are curious about everything. Become curious about your world once again. And don’t allow yourself to live in a rut. Because when you find your whys in life, you will have the opportunity to look at the world through the eyes of a child once again. Why would we all not want to do that?

Val-You

I have to admit, I am a sucker for those storage and pawn reality shows. I get sucked in but the allure of finding out what things are worth. My two favorite are Pawn Stars and Storage Wars. I am continuously amazed at what people are getting rid of, found. or left in a storage locker. In the past couple of years, my wife and I have become avid Amazon shoppers and have saved ourselves a lot of money. Recently, we found a foam mattress pad at Bed, Bath, and Beyond that was going to cost us around $300. We found one on Amazon for $134. I don't believe that I have to pay more just to get the quality that I am looking for. It's all about the value. What is that product worth, what am I willing to pay for it, and what is someone willing to sell it to me for? There is only one item that I will not allow myself to go find a bargain for and that is myself. Our value should never be determined by anyone else but ourselves. But all to often, we compromise our value to please others or allow ourselves to be devalued by others. Our value should be set by us and only by us. If you don't like your value, upgrade yourself. It's never too late to work on yourself. You can teach an old dog new tricks. Maybe it's finding a new circle of friends that see you for what you can be and not by what they think you are. Maybe it's changing jobs or careers because your employer or career is holding you back from your real value. Many times, we must go through tough times to add to our value. Not unlike a piece of coal, we have to endure some heat and pressure, to become a diamond. But we have to be willing to endure those tough times and not allow them to destroy our potential but allow them to add value to our lives. It's easy to get knocked down, it's getting back up that is hard. But that decision is entirely in your hands. Never allow people to degrade you or situations to define you. You alone determine your value in this life. Will you end up in a storage locker like some forgotten relic or will you be pawned because you became irrelevant to someone? Become priceless in your own eyes and heart and other will treat you as such.

Dream Big...Pursue Big...Live Big

Why You Shouldn't

I have used this blog to reach those whom I might not normally have an opportunity to talk to in person. I talk so much about why you should chase down your dreams and go after your passions in life. I have shared tips and motivational stories with you. I've shared some of my struggles and triumphs to help inspire you to your own personal greatness. Maybe I have been able to reach out and help you when you have been down. Or maybe made your day a little brighter or gave you some strength when you were feeling weak. This time I would like to share with you why you shouldn't go after your dreams and passions. You shouldn't go after them because you are just fine where you are in your life. You are happy enough and it's just not worth the effort. You could be happier but why? Things in your life could be different but you have managed just fine so far. After all, fulfilling your dream and passions in life could only mean more drama in your life right? Like you really need more drama. It could only mean more work load and more hours and you don't really have the ability of time for it. Maybe when the kids get older, get a little further along in your career, maybe when you get a little older, or maybe it just plain to late in life to even try. Things are just to hectic right now.

Now I don't know if reverse psychology works or not  but my point is that there is no such thing as a perfect time to begin. You just have to start now. You have the ability to do something now, with what you have, where you are. We get focused on the excuses and seeing the problems that we lose sight of the solutions. Don't give up, don't settle, and believe in you. Sometimes we have to believe in someone else's belief in us before our own belief kicks in. I believe in you.

Dream Big...Pursue Big...Live Big!